The pondering and babbling of Jen Justus. ;-)

When the doctor called me at 7am, warning me that I should take Troy in to see a neurologist right away, immediately my heart pounded with fear. He felt strongly about this, he couldn't make the nagging feeling go away, he was losing sleep over Troy. He felt that Troy had a condition called Craniosynostosis. I thought for sure he was being prompted by the Holy Spirit to make sure that we had our sweet son checked out.

When I hung up the phone, I found myself in complete denial. Of course nothing was wrong with my son. My son is perfect. But the longer I laid there steaming, the more I convinced myself that I was being immature and selfish, and that I needed to do what was best for Troy. I found myself at the computer for countless hours that day, reading about Craniosynostosis on the internet. The more I read, the more I was convinced there was something wrong with my son. After much prayer and discussion, Bob and I made the appointment with the neurologist, and put my family doctor at ease.

The hardest part was waiting an entire week for this appointment to happen! Never a good idea for a nervous mother, I tell you what. All I could do that week was fret, and worry. Fret and worry. Worry and fret. Fret and worry. Thank goodness for simple distractions like playing with my new IPHONE 4 (thanks Bob!!), playing addicting games on Facebook, watching Days of Our Lives, (hourglass!) and attending a live Bronco game at Mile High. (Thanks Tebow for beating the Jets, by the way! I love you!) But for the most part, the distractions didn't work so well. I'd hold Troy on my lap and watch my tears land on his hair. He would need surgery to correct this condition, and I worried that something would go wrong that would permanently damage him for life. I'm sure Troy could tell that something was wrong with teary-eyed Mommy. I talked to my family and friends and asked for all of their prayers and support. I put Troy's name in the temple. I begged my Heavenly Father to protect my son, and I promised Him that, no matter what His Will, I would work really hard to accept it. Yeah, I have to say it was probably one of the more rougher weeks in my entire life. Is rougher even a word?

Finally the day came when we drove Troy to the neurologist. I was nervous. I tried to be cheerful. My heart was beating a mile a minute, I could barely fill out all the paperwork. Small talk wasn't doing it for me. I tried not to think too much. When the doctor finally came in, she looked at Troy and smiled at him lovingly. She sat down to play with him, examine him. She wondered why we were there. I reminded her about the phone call she'd had with our worried family doctor. Then she smiled and said, "No. I can tell you right away that he does not have Craniosynostosis." Talk about RELIEF! She promised us that Troy was fine - that his head was large because him was a big boy. She promised there was nothing wrong with him, and told us to get out of there.

WOW! In that simple 10 minutes of my life. I don't think I've ever been more happy and relieved. Finally my heart could beat normally again. I had to jump up and hug this doctor, who looked many years younger than myself by the way. ;-) I think I scared her. Good. ;-) We left the office, practically floating on clouds. Cliche, I know. But I couldn't stop smiling. I couldn't stop kissing my son. I couldn't keep the tears from my eyes. I jumped up and down alot. The world looked brighter to me. People looked good, even the bums on the street. I wanted to hug everyone. I craved ice cream all the way home. My cheeks hurt from smiling. I pigged out on Chipotle, and spoiled myself to a movie about handsome werewolves and lovable vampires. (Thanks Stephanie Meyers.) Life was pretty much perfect for me again.

As I watched Troy playing today, I couldn't help but wonder why these events occurred. Was the Lord testing us, to see how we would react to scary news? I dunno. Perhaps He just wanted to see how I would react. Perhaps he was testing the doctor. Perhaps He needed to scare me just a little bit, to remind me that life isn't always perfect. I dunno. But whatever the reason, I do know this. The Lord was able to bring many of His children down to their knees in humble prayer, to pray for a small child who was really never in trouble to begin with, and to feel of His love and kindness, no matter what their beliefs, no matter what their religion. ;-)

And that is what I have pondered upon. Besides the fact that I feel so lucky to have such perfect family and friends in my life. I wish I could hug every single person in my life, past and present. But for now, I will keep my arms wrapped tightly around my son. What more can I say?

Thanks for listening to my babble. To be continued...

Happy, Happy, Troy, Troy.... :)